Criticism on excerpt?

You made some grammar mistakes, but the dialogue flowed very nicely. Also, it is good to finally read a story on this site that is not about vampires, werewolves, witches/ warlocks, or fallen angels. My advice is to proofread this piece and keep on writing. I do this all of the time, so if you have any more writing questions, feel free to add me as a contact and I will be glad to help you out further. Good luck and happy writing ;)